GREATGOLFJOKES.COM

ALICE!

2011-11-08T20:29:07Z

Submitted by Bob Pyle

ALICE :

"Alice"

Say you're playing in a foursome with three of your buddies, when one of them lines up a putt, takes his stroke ... and doesn't even get the ball to the hole. What do you say?

Well, one possibility is, "hit it, Alice !"

Another is, "nice putt, Alice !"

The derogatory " Alice " statement has been part of golf for decades. But who is Alice ? And what did she do to get immortalized in a golf insult that frequently follows a putt left short?

Contrary to one frequently offered explanation, this "Alice " has nothing to do with the Jackie Gleason sitcom The Honeymooners. Gleason was a golf fanatic, and his character on the show, Ralph Kramden, played golf, too. Ralph's wife was named Alice. It's a good guess, but the phrase does not refer to Alice Kramden.

It turns out that " Alice " isn't a she at all.

" Alice " is a he, and it's not " Alice ," it's "Alliss." As in Peter Alliss.

Peter Alliss is the famous English golf broadcaster, the voice of golf on the BBC for decades. But before he became internationally famous as a broadcaster, Alliss was famous in Britain and Europe as a touring pro. And a pretty good one, too: Alliss won 21 times on the precursor to the European Tour and played on eight Ryder Cup teams.

At the 1963 Ryder Cup in Atlanta, Alliss played Arnold Palmer and Tony Lema in back-to-back singles matches and won 1.5 points, halving with Lema and beating Palmer. At some point during his match against Palmer, Alliss - for whom putting was not a strength - badly missed a 3-foot putt. Someone in the gallery yelled out, "Nice putt, Alliss!" Alliss described that moment in a brief article in a 1997 issue of Sports Illustrated, and explained how the phrase became part of the golf lexicon:

"The BBC, for whom I now do golf commentary, played a large part in burning the phrase into the public consciousness. I was never renowned for my putting and therefore was an easy - and frequent - target for the many comedy programs on the "Beeb," where great humor was found in such knee-slappers as "That girl Alliss sure hits it a long way."

So BBC programs of the early to mid-1960s liked to get punny with Alliss' name and its homonym, the female monicker Alice. Ah, that good ol' golf humor: questioning a man's, well, manliness for leaving a putt short by calling him a woman's name. They did it in the 1960s and they - ahem, we - still do it today.

Except that today, most golfers - most of those outside of Britain, anyway - have no idea that " Alice " is actually Peter Alliss. But now you do.

Golf Poem

2011-09-15T20:58:45Z

Submitted by Big Al Zindel - famous golfer
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
Of The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

Stand proud you noble swingers of club and losers of balls
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feels like a hybrid.

Truth is hard to hear

2011-03-17T15:23:00Z

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole.

He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

"Aye, there's a piece of shit on the end of your driver. "

The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says:

"No, the other end.

...

AGE AND EXPERIENCE WIN OUT

2010-09-13T16:38:00Z

A father, son, and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf.
Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she can join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, “Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you wants to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, or tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don’t try to coach me on how to play my shots.”

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father’s mouth was agape. “That was beautiful,”he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, “I really didn’t get into it and I faded it a little.”

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out a nine iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, “Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.”

The blonde frowned and said, “It was a little weak. I left a tricky little putt.” Then she tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole and knocked the hell but of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, “I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I’d really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I’ll take him back to my apartment, pour some 25-year-old Royal Salute Scotch in him, fix him dinner and then show him a good time the rest of the night.”

The yuppie grandson jumped at the thought. He strolled across the green, carefully eying the line of the putt and finally said, “Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.”

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. “Don’t listen to the kid, darlin’, you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.”

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde’s ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said,

“That’s a gimme, sweetheart. Your car or mine?”

AGE AND EXPERIENCE WILL TRIUMPH OVER YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME

DONT MESS WITH GOD

2009-11-23T23:51:00Z

Courtesy of Bob B., Milwaukie, OR

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So. he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

GOLF GENIE

2009-09-21T18:05:00Z

This guy has just completed a rough divorce and decided he would like to play a relaxing round of golf.
While waiting on the first tee, he saw the two-some in front of him throw something shiny in the trash. After they got halfway down the fairway, the guy reached into the trash and pulled out a golden bowl. He rubbed it to get the dirt off and a genie popped out. The genie told the guy that he would grant him 3 wishes, under the circumstances that his worst enemy would get double what he wished for.
The guy said he wanted a lamborghini. The genie reassured him that his ex-wife would get two of them. The guy had no hesitation and said he didnt care if his ex had two, as long as he had one for himself. Poof! The genie said there was a lamborghini in his driveway.
The man’s next wish was $1 million in the back of his lamborghini. The genie reassured him that his wife would have $2 million. The guy didn’t care and told the genie to fulfill his wish.
For the guy’s final wish, he thought long and hard. He handed the genie his 6-iron and said calmly, “beat me half to death.”

FORTUNE TELLER SURPRISE!

2009-09-08T18:31:00Z

Sumitted by Charles N / LaQuinta, CA

On a recent trip to the Fortune Teller the golfer asks: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

The fortune teller replies: "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

Golfer: "So what's the good news?"

Fortune Teller: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

Golfer: "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Fortune Teller: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

...

A GOLF STORY FROM THE FARM

2009-09-01T00:04:00Z

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, Two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.'
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the
Cow's' butt.'
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'

'I don't remember much after that......

...

DAVID FEHERTY SPEAKS.....

2009-08-25T22:14:00Z

    On the 14 years since CBS colleague Gary McCord was banned from the Masters:

      "They don't do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It's like having my  buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head."

      _____________

      On his decision to give up his playing career in favor of a microphone:

      "When CBS came to me and asked me to do on-course commentary, I said, 'You know, I'm only 37, I still have hopes of [playing] a little better.' So they told me what they were going to pay me, and I said, 'You want to buy a set of clubs?' "

      ______________

      On giving up alcohol:

      "I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge."
      ______________

      On McCord's recent revelation, at the annual JCC Sports Awards banquet in Vancouver, that Tiger Woods' caddy Steve Williams and Feherty often try to outdo one another on the course in the area of flatulence, Feherty said: Tiger is no slouch himself: "He can lay 'em down like a crop duster."

      _______________

      On Gary Player's unsubstantiated suggestion last year about use of performance-enhancing drugs in pro golf:

      " Gary thinks he invented fitness because he used to do pushups on the airplane. He's just upset because you can't win a major any more with a low, flat hook and a Napoleon complex."
      _______________


      On the poor life advice Michelle Wie's parents have given the teenage phenom:

      "She could be adopted by Britney Spears and be better off. I want my 16-year-old daughter to have an enormous phone bill, a case of the giggles and to be pissed off at me for killing her first three boyfriends. I do not want her out on Tour under that kind of pressure."

       ______________

      On Phil Mickelson:

      "Phil is brilliant, but he's nuts. There's something not quite right about that boy. Phil is watching a movie that only Phil can see. His mother told me, "Phil was so clumsy as a little boy, we had to put a football helmet on him until he was four because he kept bumping into things.' I told her,

      'Mary, Mary, I'm a writer, you can't keep handing me material like this.' So the next time I saw Phil I said, 'You didn't really wear a football helmet in the house until you were four, did you?' He said, 'It was more like five.' "

      _______________

      On Tiger Woods:

      The first time he ever watched Woods play, Feherty examined the lie Tiger had in the trees, where he'd hit the ball into deep rough alongside a large root, and said on-air that the only available play was to wedge out sideways. Tiger promptly hit a towering 200-plus-yard, sweeping slice with a 2-iron that rolled to within 12 feet of the flag. "I just stood there watching him walk past," Feherty said, "and thinking, 'I don't know what that is, but I know there weren't two of them on Noah's Ark. "

GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS

2009-08-21T19:59:00Z

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

SURPRISE!

2009-08-10T19:45:00Z

Courtesy of J DuChene

Dave and his buddies were hanging out and got to talking about planning a 5-day golf trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because his wife wouldn't let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home totally frustrated.
The following week when Dave's buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Dave sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer, holding his putter!
"How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Dave?"
"I didn't have to," Dave replied. "Last night I slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, my wife sneaked up behind me, covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise.' When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'......SO HERE I AM !"
...

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE (Amherst, Mass.)

2009-08-10T18:14:00Z

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    What are your green fees?
Staff:     38 dollars.
Caller:   Does that include golf?
-
Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?
-
  Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day?
-
Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?
-
Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff:     You mean a driving range?
Caller:   No, that's not it..,,,
-
Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff:      Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller:    Yes.
Staff:      We'll try to squeeze you in.
-
Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff:      Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller:    What's the next time after that?
Staff:      We have one at 10:22.
Caller:    We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   How much to play golf today?
Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller:   38 dollars?
Staff:     No, 38 yen.
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff:     What time would you like?
Caller:   What times do you have?
Staff:     What time of the day?
Caller:   Any time.
Staff:     Morning or afternoon?
Caller:   Whenever.
Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller:   No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff:     Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff:     Sure, what time would you like?
Caller:   Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible.
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff:     Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller:   How much to rent a bag?
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a large bucket?
Staff:     Four dollars.
Caller:   Does that include the balls?
-
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff:     Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller:   And what time does that start?
-
Staff:    Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED? (doh!)

2009-08-03T21:53:00Z

Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a question.

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

HUSBAND: (deing verrrrry careful here) 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure. It's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND: 'No. I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?'

HUSBAND: 'Yes. Those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?'

HUSBAND: 'No. She's left-handed.'

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: ' . . . Shit.'

...

GOLF AT AGE 90

2009-07-16T21:18:00Z

Submitted by S. Melrose, Portland, OR

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. That's it", he tells his wife. I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad ..once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try".

"That's no good", sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help".

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect".

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?", says Arthur.

"I don't remember."

True Confessions on the Golf Course!

2009-07-13T21:28:00Z

Submitted by David Horne, Ayrshire, Scotland
www.notrapsgolf.com
...

THE LION, THE LADY, AND THE OLD GOLFER

2009-06-22T18:11:00Z

Submitted by David Horne, Ayrshire, Scotland

A circus owner runs an ad for an amateur lion tamer with creative approaches and two people show up.

One is a good looking, retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them; "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good and creative or you're likely to be history.
Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun.

Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen ...

THE AFFAIR

2009-06-16T16:55:26Z

Submitted by Doss K., Gladstone, OR

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until dinnertime.

The man hurriedly dressed and as he left his lovers home he took time to rub his shoes in the grass and dirt and squeezed some more onto the cuffs of his chinos.

Once home, he strode casually into the kitchen to hear his wife demand;

'Where have you been?'

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon at her place.'

She looked down at his pants and shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!'

'You've been out playing golf!'

THE HIT MAN

2009-06-15T20:33:00Z

Submitted by Joesph D., Lake Oswego, OR

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! "Oh my Gawd! I can't believe they would do that to me!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"It costs a thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her right in the mouth."

"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his manhood off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."

SPELLING LESSON

2009-06-12T22:21:00Z

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

During the putting session, she innocently, she asked; "Is it spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?''

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied, and then went on to explain......

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt typically means a vain attempt to do the same thing."

IMPORTANCE OF PROPER CLUB SELECTION

2009-06-07T05:15:00Z

John was playing a new course and on #16 he sliced the ball into an extremely deep wooded ravine. He grabbed his seven iron and clambered over the edge in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of poking through at the underbrush, he finally spotted his ball. As he was attempting to postion himself for a shot, he noticed something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was a seven iron in hands of a skeleton!

John immediately called out to his friend, "Larry, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Larry asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Brian shouted. "Looks like you can't get out of here with a seven iron!"

...