Submitted by David Dey / Oregon City, OR

• These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead 
• You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.~ Lee Trevino
• I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.~ George Brett
• Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray
• The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.~ Mickey Mantle
• Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner
• I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
• After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie f or a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
• The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis
• Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino
• My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny
• I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino
• There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.~ Ben Hogan
• Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best ~ Jack Nicklaus
• The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells
• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope
• While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman
• If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
• You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino